i just realized that...
<---- my picture looks like i have a bumpy face... i dont have a bumpy face....

One of these days i will stop diddly daddling on the computer and Blog something of purpose in the origional intent of which i created this blog... but in the mean time this is some good ol fashioned meanless blogging!

I finally have a bed... no more air mattress for me. Its a day bed... couch by day, bed by night! woohoo!

wow... there are a few things in this world that i cannot wrap my mind around. One of those things is death. I understand it in the spiritual world. I can see it as a possible temporary separation from those still here on earth. But the part where all your memories and all your feelings and emotions about a person, are suddenly attached to something which now no longer exists, that part i cannot seem grasp.

Katie, I saw you as a young girl and loved to 'let you' hang out with us, when your older brother said no! It was fun to see you grow into a wonderful woman and make us all feel old. You will be missed by your family, friends and even your brothers friends!!!

Im Loving Memory,
Katie Ann Levy (1985-2003)

Title: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
In Reference To: My mother and my sister
Mood: Very Annoyed
UnChrist-like Anger level: Very High
Prayers Needed: please

Maybe my 5w4 IS correct. According to my mother and sister, i guess they would say that it is right on. I am living at home now with my parents... this is a struggle but i feel like this is where God is calling me to be. However i have no clue why. Almost every day, the thoughts 'WHY oh WHy oh WHy would you want me to be here... are you mad at me for something?' crosses my mind. Most of the time it almost feels like torture. I dont think anyone wants to realize that I AM NOT THE SAME. So if something bothers me now that didnt bother me when i was 17 THAT IS NORMAL. i mean HELLO!!!! My sister came over today and first of all woke me up and then it was the normal my sister angers me situation... my mother doesnt seem to see how she is angering me, and then there is a double team telling me that there must be a problem with ME, cause i get angry for every little thing. WHAT!!!!! It's like the normal older sister bothering little sister thing, only i am not 12 anymore. In any case if it was just that, i think it would be tolerable. but as soon as i show a little bit of annoyance or try to leave the situation so as not to get further annoyed. My mom ends up saying, 'That is not very Christ-like Debbie' and my sister just runs with that one. She then proceeds to jump on my moms side. My sister continues to ask, why are you so angry, why are you yelling, whats wrong with you. These things are all true, because at this point i am angry and talking louder than everyone else. so my mom is like yeah why? AND then the situation is officially switched and there is a double team telling me i am a psychopath with anger problems. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. my sister makes me mad and then turns it around and yells at me for showing some angry emotion. THIS WOULD MAKE ANYBODY CRAZY. ANYBODY. This is the pettiest thing i will ever blog i think. I just cant stand it. I mean does anyone understand me here? Does anyone want to jump on my side?

Ok really just writing this is upsetting me. I mean does this sound like anything a 22 should be writing about? no, because this is juvenile. I mean why oh why oh why God I am i living at home? WHY? Luke 28-30 ????????
Somebody leave me a comment... explain this craziness to me please!

	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test
Hmmmm.... 'mean type'?... i suppose i can be... I dont think i answered all those questions correctly! maybe some...

The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren. wow, just some good ol' plain simple truth. i was given this book by a friend of mine, who perhaps saw the spiritual struggle i was having. The problem was, I was believing lies lies lies. See the thing is, simply put... SATAN IS A PERSISTANT SON OF A GUN. With me the problem in that is, that i know that the things that i am believing are lies, but its the fact that those lies come up in such a consistant manner, that they become a part of my thinking. BAD IDEA, WRONG CONCLUSION, SNAP OUT OF IT. You would think that a person who has faith in a perfect God, who has seen his amazing love and miracles and who knows that His spirit which resides in her, allows her to differentiate truth from lies, would also be able to avoid falling into this silly trap. But, the truth is that I am Able, and i am able becuase, of all those things that i do know and recognize to be true.

Proverbs3:5-6

Okay so here is the thing... i really want to try to write everyday, but sometimes i am bad at it. so i have decided to say a little something (which is what you are currently reading) and then catch up with you later! as for now, goodnight and sweet dreams!

just a little something to share...
Last night i went with a friend to her Aunts house. It was fun, i love to hang out with the family. Anyway, so we got Chineese food FROM PUBLIX!! (but thats another story). Then, we finished off the meal with a fortune cookie. For those of you who dont know i have a thing with fortune cookies. Or rather, fortune cookies have a thing with me! You see, ever since my freshman year of college i seemed to have always gotten a fortune cookie that actually meant something at the time. And no i am not talking about your typical vague 'it could happen to anyone' fortune. For some reason or another my fortune cookies seem to give a little advice about the issue at hand. For exaple lets pull up a few. Freshman year i got a fortune that read, 'You will make change for the better'. Now for some reason i decided to stick that one on my TV, little did i know that a couple months later i was going to Learn about Christ's great love and 'make a change for the better!' Okay, was that not good enough. The next year as i was struggling with getting work done and getting really behind in studies, I recieved another fortune cookie that read, 'Now is a good time to finish up old tasks.' Okay Okay dont agree with me yet? Next, i was struggling with the thought of going on my first mission's trip. I was having a hard time thinking that i could do or say anything that would be beneficial to anyone spiritually. Well, guess what. I ate Chineese, and it just so happened that i got a fortune cookie that read a little something like this..."you can lead others back into the fold." Okay and thats just a few. Now maybe it's a stretch to see a relation between the issue at hand and the fortunes, but let me tell you... I got another fortune last night after we ate chineese.

Now i suppose i have to explain a little bit of a struggle i am in now. I have recently graduated from FSU and i am having a bit of a struggle with the transition from student to adult. I also have been having little problem with the fam. and i was struggling with the thought of either moving to Orlando or staying here in Ft. Lauderdale (this shall be the topic of another entry), but the most important part of the struggle is that I was loosing focus on God, i was trying to hold on as much as possible (still struggling to let go) to this problem and then wondering, why oh why wasnt my God helping me out here. Well, This of course was fresh on my mind as a hand came toward me holding a small plastic wrapped sugar cookie. Fortune cookie? sure! i unwrapped it, cracked it open, and.... "Depart not from the path which fate has you assigned." wow, now sing with me, doodo do do doodoo do do (twilight zone). This came to me as good advice to keep stead fast on the Lord and not get distracted by these bumps and stumps (which feels more like hills and moutains) and to also pray about the situation and not to settle for anything other than what the Lord wants for me. Wheew, i bet you never knew that God could work through old chineese traditions!?!?

Well I have decided to join the 'wonderful world of blog.' I have never been one to be considered as a remarkable writer, nor do I have the vocabulary or grammatical skills to separate me from a ten year old. However, I have chosen to take up the challenge of self-expression. This challenge finds me intertwined in a slew of emotions and minor confusion. But to the imitation of a certain blogger (Jeanie, as is her pen name) I have chosen to give you an intimate portrait of myself at my discretion. This journey I hope acts as a testimony of hope, realization, healing, and growth. So welcome to a bit of intimacy from a girl who finds comfort in walls.