Missing College, Crusade, College Ministries.
I understand what it is all about. I just got it, it just popped into my head, turned on like a light bulb. Why do I feel so different now that I am out of college to people who are still in college, I mean I am the same age group even younger than alot of people still in collge. Why is it that I feel so out of place or so envious almost of those in college now. Those in college ministries.
I understand now why most of my time was spent with Crusader's doing Crusade things. It wasnt about the 'cult' I had joined (too imperfect to be a cult), it wasnt about the fact that I couldnt make friend or didnt have friends elsewhere, it wasnt even about the 'temptations of the outside world'... please, I had that before, during and after my crusade era. I was thinking about why I cant seem to feel complete like I did in college, what was it about that time that made me so happy. I mean I still have jesus, I still know and love God. that is supposed to be all I need to make me complete. Right? (I know what your thinking, you sound like a chapter in Blue Like Jazz, well thats ok.) It is all I need, It's the only fuel that will bring to life any aspect of my life. But in order for me drive, to figure where im going, to figure out how to use the map God gave us, to learn how to navigate through rough terrain, God gave us eachother. Im not saying to turn to friends as if they know something God doesn't. And im not just talking about any old jo smo' you may call a 'friend'. God called us to be in fellowship with eachother for a reason. He created a 'Body of Christ' for a reason. He said it was not good for man to be alone, so he created another person. God is a community, fellowship, do onto others, lift eachothers burdens, love eachother sort of Guy.
I don't have that. I used to. I had it when I didnt ask for it, and I had it when I didnt want it. I over looked it, sometimes I enjoyed it, sometimes (well mostly) I was scared of it, and other times I ran away from it. but the thing is I had it without asking for it. Thats what crusade gave me. It gave me fellowship, people who loved me, people who understood, people who knew without knowing, people around, people to take your mind of off things, people to put your mind onto things, people to talk to, people to be quiet with, people to pray with, people to pray for you. people to show you God and people to bring out God in you. dont get me wrong like all communities there were bad seeds, some who tricked you into thinking they were apart of your community when they really werent, and some who you knew even then were just there for the ride. No community is perfect, no group of people are perfect. But I had it. God did alot of things through crusade for me. but Crusade is all about preparation. It's a psuedo world of near perfect community where everyone has time to put into eachother, everyone lives in close proximity or even in the same home, everyone meets at the same place, and everyone has TIME. Community is convinient. and easy. Campus Crusades and many other college ministry's are a place of preparation. A false world where you can see and feel and know how important community is, how important the body of christ is, how important Jesus in our everyday every moment is. This is all to prepare you becuase when you enter the 'real world' that is where Christ's community is not just handed to you, where some communities start to form into families and become smaller and harder to enter. Where you have to actually step out of your shell and join a community, rather than once having your community as your shell.
Community is important, without it you feel alone in a hard world where satan roams. When your sitting in an empty room without community and fellowship, satans whispers become loud echos and its hard to ignore. The Lords whispers are more powerful and can penatrate through any loud echo. I hear him whispering, 'you can't do this alone.'
